Tuesday, November 24, 2009

2004 Vs 2009

I re-discovered one of my really old blogs. Way back from 2003-2004. And that was already my 3rd blog then. I don't know if I have grown up or grown down in the last 5years. I just know it felt nice.

2004 - Do I push people around?
Am I obsessed with doing well?
Am I a control freak?
Any suggestions with regards to finding a personality quiz that would help me answer these questions are most welcome. Thank you very much!
No but seriously, is something terribly wrong with me?

2009 - I somehow find solace in the fact that some things never change. EVER.

2004 - I need to drown neckdeep into books all over again. The biggest reason - I need to give my life a definitive direction as soon as possible.

2009 - Well, I gained some good sense over the years and realised that life pretty much never has a definitive direction. But what the hell, I don't have to study anymore. EVER!!

2004 - Ever felt this inexplicable void inside you get so strong that you stop connecting with anything that's real?
Ever felt terribly depressed when everything around you is almost as good as you want it to be?
Ever wanted to run far away from everything, hide in a cocoon where no one can see you and you can see nobody?
Ever been so happy that it makes you cry?
Ever been so sad that the tears just don't flow?
Ever been unable to think or speak or move, because of the vacuum around you seems to pull you away from everything?
... Ever been Uncomfortably Numb?

2009 - Boy was I depressed or what!!! It's been years since I felt that way. Books were not for me. Period.

2004 - Three years back when I moved out of Bihar, people found it surprising that I could speak good English, had an email account, wore jeans, was career oriented, and knew my Robbie Williams from my Robin Williams, and my Ayn Rands from my Erich Segals. Just because my state is literally "ruled" by a man who never went to an elite school, and my Chief Minister is a woman who never went to any school, the rest of us don't become "villagers", as Biharis are generally known as, by default. As a friend very honestly told me during one of first chats, when he thinks of Bihar, all he can picture is one big village. Do I blame him? Or do I blame anybody who has ever been surprised at my being a Bihari? No I don't, because after having spent 18 years of my life in Patna, when I read newspapers and watch the news on TV, I get worried about my parents, though I know that they have spent their entire lives there. And they have still not been murdered, kidnapped, or threatened. The media has done an amazing job at portraying my state as a bloody hell-hole, which it isn't, mind you...

2009 - I find it rather funny that in spite of MNS in Maharashtra, the complete lack of safety in Delhi, Godhra in Gujarat, no infrastructure to handle the number of people out on the roads in Bangalore, Naxals in West Bengal (and so, sooo much more on Bengal and Bengalis), the weird accents of Bongs, Oriyas, Mallus, and many more, (uninformed) people still bring up Bihar, Biharis, and Lalu Yadav when they talk issues. Get real, G-E-T. R-E-A-L. I am not for regional discrimination... AT ALL. I have felt at home in other states for the last 7 years. But one more time anyone says anything bad about Bihar, they will see the Bihari in me that they keep talking about and dread so much! I mean it.

2004 - WE WON WE WON WE WON!!!

2009 - There's a match today? AGAIN??? WTF!

2004 - Two vodkas, and one and a half large glasses of punch, terribly senti moments, unstable trips to the kitchen and the PC, followed by mind numbing headache, terrible nausea, killing stomach ache, and two aspirins...
Alcohol is definitely NOT for me!

2009 - BRING IT ON, BABY!!!

Some things change, some things don't. And what's life without a few constants and many changes anyway?


nikhita said...

Hey tamanna,

I loved this one!! surprisingly,i can relate to so much from here..
keep writing!!!

Tamanna said...

thanks nik.. when u starting your blog btw?

Tamanna said...

thanks nik.. when u starting your blog btw?

Anonymous said...

Hey that was really nice..Bet everyone at some time would have definitly felt that way..
Looking back, don't u feel more assertive..more confident about the course Life's taken for you. It's like, everything was planned..so when you looked back you could appreciate your present. I love to say "BRING IT ON!!!!"

Tamanna Mishra said...

that's sooo true shradha... everything i thought was the worst thing that happened to me back then, has been so instrumental in making me the person i am.. and boy am i proud ;) :D

and of course.. some of u have played a big, big role in it too :)