Thursday, September 29, 2011

I bring my own sunshine now

For the last few years, I have been truly happy. And for the last few days, a ridiculous thought had been nagging me. Have I "dumbed down"? Have I stopped questioning? Am I too happy with too little? I don't know. For most part of my life, I almost prided myself on my misery. I used to think that I am demanding a lot of my own life, that I have the intellectual capability to question things around me, and hence I was unhappy. I am not sure if that has indeed changed. I think I am gearing up a little bit everyday, for something that is beyond "being happily married" and having a "decent job that pays well". At least I hope I am. Or maybe I am the average joe and I really am happy with too little. I still question my instincts, those of people around me, and I am judging the world like never before. But maybe, just maybe, I have grown up enough to not be miserable over any of this. Maybe I have stopped losing my sleep over everyday hassle, the bigger goals that I have not achieved yet, and everything that is  not perfect in my world. Maybe this is what they call growing up.

Or maybe I HAVE dumbed down. I cannot say with absolute certainty.

But whatever it is, this is a good place. It may get better, it may get worse. But for all the times that I said to others that happiness comes from within, I have actually started living it only in the last few years. I have given credit where it is due, many times over on this blog alone. The husband, the family, the job. But I guess for someone who enjoyed being miserable for a really long time, no matter what the circumstances, it is only fair that I give myself the credit I deserve.

Let go of angst - check. Go me!

Title reference:  Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.  ~Anthony J. D'Angelo

6 comments:

Madhu Gopalan said...

What is the procedure to dumb down? I desperately need to know.

Tamanna said...

Read KRK's tweets with as much sincerity as I do :P

Madhu Gopalan said...

ROFL :) I do, I do! He called me darling last week :P

Nefertiti said...

u grew up too fast... i have no such intentions! I can't imagine a life in which I am not obsessive/anxious/impatient/miserable...

DI said...

If only everyone were that lucky! :) Enjoy it, that is one awesome feeling.

Sindu said...

I understand where you come from. And trust me, it takes very little to be happy - or that is what they say. Guess you found the secret. Don't question it. :)

First time here. Good writing. :)