Sunday, May 29, 2011

Unwell revisited

I remember a time which now seems really, really long ago in history. A time when Unwell and Creep were right up there on the list of the most played songs on my player. I haven't heard these songs in years, except an odd radio rerun or in Purple Haze. But somehow they seem to have come back to haunt me and I can't say why. The worst part of course is the "can't say why".

There is this weird udaseenta that is becoming me. And I am not that person at all. I wish I knew why, because the things that still fill my weekdays and weekends are what made me obscenely happy until a couple of months back. I guess that is the trouble. I need to change something, get out of a rut that I have been falling in to the last few weeks. I don't know what I need to change because surprise surprise, everything seems perfect. Most things are going my way, things are running as smoothly as they possibly can. And yet there is something amiss.

It maybe boredom. It maybe something much bigger than that. But whatever it is, it needs to change.

I started writing this post with the lyrics of Unwell and Creep in mind. I have been there, done that. I am not falling into that trap of listening to songs and reading books that appealed to the dark side of me. It is a vicious, vicious circle that takes fundamental changes to get out of.

I don't really know another way. I was never big on patience. But this time around, I will wait and watch. Something out there will do the trick. One perfect moment. A perfect song. Something. Because a friend of mine, when introduced to my husband (then fiancĂ©), told him, "With T, you should always remember. This too shall pass." I hated the line then, what the hell was she thinking? Now I hope, with all my heart, that she was right.

The moment is over. That too has passed. My center, my sunshine, is right here. This is it.


chellsie said...

good to read this, and to know you're out on the sunshine side again. :)

The Soul of Alec Smart said...

You're crazy, you know? :D In a good way, that is!

Unwell has always been one of my favourite tracks. Finds a place on many of my playlists.