Peaceful Easy Feeling

There's something terribly wrong with me and I can't put a finger on it. I have been feeling extremely discontent for the last few days, but how do you take care of things if you can't even figure out what's wrong.

I am bored right through to my skull, I am not enjoying my work much (And this feeling is very new to me). I don't know why I thought this was going to be a lot of fun. Whatever happened to my grand plans of working ONLY for fun and money? There's a strange kind of inertia, or maybe at some level it's all too new to give up.

I am seriously considering making a career out of my passion, and not the other way round :) But that said, there's definitely a lot to learn. I believe any group of people is a straight subset of our society. And it takes all kinds. I am guessing if I stay put, this will be the biggest learning experience of my life. The rose tinted glasses are out now. I am seeing the world for what it really is. I hate it and I love it the same time!

I know I am not making any sense, but I just want to type on. I am done talking of it endlessly with R. I think in the process, I will end up making him as depressed as I am right now. But to do this to the one person who helps me make some sense out of this madness? I am saying it once and for all. Here. I don't know what I would do without him, considering how difficult I have been the last few days. No, we haven't been fighting. We've been talking. Actually I have been talking and all he has tried to do is drill some sense into me. Tell me to take off my rose tinted glasses. That I can't continue living in an idealistic world that exists only in my head. That Utopia is a nice name only for a blog :)

There are too many to answer to and not much to answer for!

I am not very sure what I want to say. Actually I don't want to say as much as I want to sit in some isolated corner and figure what's going wrong. What, and not WHO for a change.

Is there some way to learn some "politics"? I always thought something like that existed only in the head of our driver back home in Patna, it used to be his favourite word :) But I think it's hight time! All I want is to learn how to deal with it.

Or do I?