Friday, April 15, 2011

Obsessive Friday night catharsis

I'm a bitch I'm a lover
I'm a child I'm a mother
I'm a sinner I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell I'm your dream
I'm nothin' in between

I am not particularly fond of being a bitch. But there are days, sometimes weeks, when the bitch avatar is all I have. I learn to let go and do what is right and not just nice, and then I unlearn it all over again. It is a cycle and for someone like me, there is never any getting away from it. This song that I should be an anthem, especially for this generation.

Kisi ki muskurahaton pe ho nisar
Kisi ka dard mil sake to le udhaar
Kisi ke waaste ho tere dil mein pyaar
Jeena isi ka naam hai

I am no saint, this doesn't come naturally to me. But I try to live by it, I honestly do. But desperate times call for desperate measures. How I hate such times!

Could I be more cryptic?

I am tired. I need a phone-switched-off holiday in the hills. I need to get away from it all. But I'd rather stay.

What is my deliverance today then? Some rainfall, some breeze, some long and winding conversation, some comfortable silence, and a nonsense phone call with my crazy baby sister with khyaali pulao for the July sale season. And the satisfaction that comes from being understood. In every sense of the word. A home. One that takes me in. Absorbs me and gives me the strength to deal with demons outside my window. That is all one really needs. 

Friday night, madhatter husband, and a cryptic blog post, how I needed you! I feel better already!


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