Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The one where I judge and make politically incorrect statements

Have you heard of Varsha Dixit? I saw her book titled "Right Fir Wrong Shoe” and I picked it up on impulse, the last page mentioned Kanpur and I am a little biased towards everything that has anything to do with small towns. Although the book only reaffirms every single belief I have about that damned city and its people, barring an ex roomie, and another friend by chance who belong to that city, it is by far the worst piece of (pathetic excuse for) writing I have ever come across.

What was the woman thinking? Why did she write? At worst, that book would be chick-lit that will only entertain, nothing more nothing less. Or so I thought. But ladies and gentlemen, you take a very badly written blog with no sentence structures, too many italics and bolds and exclamation marks, make your NRI husband to bribe the publisher, and there you are - a published writer, no less! The NRI husband bit is factually correct. I am not sure about the bribing bit, but which publisher in his right mind would publish a book like this? Sample this – “when her phone rang, she kept her Kurkure ka packet…”. And this is only one example. The book is full of such words/ phrases/ sentences. This is a book for God's sake. Not a blog meant for free browsing and free airing of unnecessary opinion (like mine), no sir. It is a book I paid for. 40 pages into this disaster and I am so irritated I could flush it down the toilet. You know what? I will tonight.

I really hope this Varsha Dixit, whoever she is, googles herself on and off – and she comes across this. I think this post is considerably google optimized now too! And I really, really hope she doesn’t write again. Ever. The woman makes Chetan Bhagat seem like award winning literature.

On an unrelated note, no matter how early work starts, more often than not I am the first one to reach office. I think I should put this on my resume/ Linkedin profile. This, ladies and gentlemen, is my USP :P


piyu said...

You joined already?
@Being first in office.. same pinch..a lot of the times, the office is unlocked by the peon when I arrive!

~G said...

Sigh! The forty rupees could have been well spent :(

Anyway, add a 'Varsha Dixit' label to your post. It will make it appear in the Google searches for the name.

Tamanna said...

@Piyu, yessir. I think it's about Bombay in my blood.. LOL! It's super easy to achieve in this city. People come in reallllly late everywhere. I reach first, after all the haggling and fighting with auto wallahs. I think once the Active is here, I will be in office from sunrise.. LOL!

@G, hehe! I am trying hard to keep my oh-so-anon blog off the radar. And I am failing miserably. So that, my dear girl, was a joke.. Hehe!

Ramya said...

Ouch, that book sounds terrible. I hope you did flush it down the toilet, literally.

But a husband who will get my book published - now, thats a great idea!

ashkd said...

somehow i happen to belong to the same city/town but i am not able to completely know whether you feel good/bad about kanpur or the way she has described in her book!! am very curious.. :-)

Preeti said...

Please tell me you flushed the book! To think I was actually this close to doing that to Chatan Bhagat's books, I can only imagine, how bad this must be!
Hey, I am also always before time! Everyday before leaving home, I pray that I am late and that I miss the company bus, so I can take a long about route, the Metro and amble into office at 11am. Never. The bus is late when am late.

DI said...

Have you read 'if God were a Banker'? Have you? It says, 'His wife was a bomb', I am sure you understood that he meant she was hot/sexy/whatever! But Bomb?
Anyway, I need to read this to comment! Reason being I love this bok 'The Zoya factor' which is sprinkled with hinglish, but as made me smile through out! :D

austere said...

God bless you, child.

I can't stand CB- for the record.

The Soul of Alec Smart said...

Ah, and my vice is being late to work. Strangely, I'm the one who's shouting at people when they're late, and I'm never late for client meetings/ doctor appointments/ coffee with friends/ anything, even if I say so myself.. but the make-your-own-hours thing at work has really spoiled me. I go late, and I come back late and it ruins my evenings :( Time to check it!

And "Kurkure ka packet".. DUDE! Like DI, I loved The Zoya Factor but there, the humour was genuine and Hindi was used to really define the character. And this reminds me, have you read Rujuta Diwekar's Don't Lose Your Mind, Lose Weight? She makes a LOT of sense but fails miserably in putting it across in an acceptable way as far as the written word is concerned. Uses words like "dabaofying" and ends sentences with "ya" throughout the book.. gross! Why not just make your millions doing what you do best?

I saw your emails, and really happy for you. Finally understand Baadalon se kaat kaat ke too :)

Nuttie Natters said...

i feel better...i thought i was the only idiot who spent money on that book..!

But like Di and Smart Alec...i quite enjoyed Zoya factor...and didn't even notice the hinglish! (ummm until Di mentioned it)

And if u think God was a banker was pathetic..read Ravi Subramanian's other book...it's even worse...Aaarghhhh!

Phew finally blogspot is letting me leave comments ...it's quite mean!

Tamanna said...

@Ramya, I am sure you wouldn't want to enter the league of CB and Varsha Dixit by paying Rupa to publish your books.. You can do better ;)

@Ashkd, I haven't had the best experience with people from Kanpur, although I have met a couple of good souls from there. And as far as her description of the city is concerned, I am all for thinking big for one's home town. But it's a little.. No make that VERY downmarket when one tries to make their home town sound "hep" by picking up the stereotypical "vices" of a big city and pretend "it happens in Kanpur too".. It is like pretending to not like beer and LOVING unpronounceable wines when one doesn't really go beyond adrak ki chai. I don't have a problem with adrak ki chai, no. I have a problem with pretending to like alcohol just to sound "hep".. AAAARGH I can go on and on and on!

@Preeti, LOL! Good luck with getting late babe.. Hope you are sure what you are asking for :P

@DI, this is beyond hinglish re. It's a filmy story we have heard way too many times in the 90's. And we don't want to read it all over again, and in terrible english/ hinglish that too!

@Austy, aaj ke post mein gussa thoda zaada hi ho gaya na? :D

@Smartie, I am going to buy Zoya now! But like I said, this book goes beyond hinglish. Dabaofying.. GGGGROSS! I mean it is OK to say all this, but write and get published too? That is taking it a bit too far! About make your own hours.. I think the only time I took making my own hours at work was at this stupid Analytics firm I was working for. I used to reach at 11:30 and leave at 5. In my defense I had no work whatsoever. Couldn't survive beyond my probation period :P

@Nuttie, welcome to the club! :D

ashkd said...

I agree to every word of yours if thats the case with the book..

kind of hypocrisy it is!

Sur said...

lol! :D kurkure ka packet :D print your post and send it to her, whoever she is :) I thought one night @ call centre was the worst..i'll stay away from this one!

Meghpeon said...

lol. I empathize. Have come across such trash time and again. Nowadays everyone is writing a book.

piyu said...

Lovely new header and punchline :D

Tamanna said...

@Sur, this woman really makes CB sound like award winning literature :P

@Piyu, thank you!

Varsha Dixit said...

Dear Tamanna, Dang! sorry u hated the book that much. Assure u no NRI husband bribed Rupa or the 17,000 or so readers to read it. Instead of flushing down the toilet (the book just might clog the pot) try using it as a fly swatter.:O)

CB should prob. thank me for making him look even better. Have a great Sunday.:O)

Varsha Dixit (Author 'Right Fit Wrong Shoe')

Tamanna said...

Rupa published it without any bribe? Seems they are on a charity spree. Anyway Varsha, do your self a favour. Don't write another book. Stick with whatever you are good at, writing is not one of those things, especially because even the grammar is royally screwed up. You might want to read more here - http://weekend-wanderings.blogspot.com/2010/08/dork.html

Good to have you around!

Tamanna said...

Varsha, there is just one more thing I would like to tell you. How can I not? No woman, spirited or not, would ever, ever say "No big D" when someone mentions rape. Also, having really big aspirations about the place you belong to is one thing. But pretending that all the stereotypical vices "happen in Kanpur too" is taking it a little too far. It is strange, for the lack of the better word.

I am sure 17,000 people have bought the book, just like I did. But I am not sure how many would have finished it or even bothered to tell you how they thought it was. Stick with the royalty, don't get me started on the quality. If that is really what you are looking for. Because no writer/ director goes around clarifying himself when she gets a bad review. This is only feedback for your next book and any other bad review that you might get. Lowering yourself to justify/ clarify kind of makes you a troll, you know? If you can't take the feedback, do what Marshall Goldsmith does. Take a deep breath. And let it go!

Varsha Dixit said...

Dear Tamanna,

I assure you in complete humbleness that whatever I wrote to u is in no way meant to influence ur opinion of me or my work. I do not tread lightly over fundamental rights. Yes but I do talk and connect to all my readers irrelevant of the positive and negative feedback.

It is njoyable and soul filling to go through something the mind/heart takes fancy too and so much more harder to persuse something we take an immense dislike from the get go. Therefore I made this overture to u. It would just be so easy and dramaless, for me, to converse with someone who saw some gud in my work(believe u me, there have been those too).

And I agree I have taken some creative liberties in plots & dialogues, which u're very justified in pondering upon and I'm postively regret free in standing by.

Maybe for Marshall Goldsmith taking a deep breath and letting it go works but for me taking a deep breath and saying Gracias works better. Don't spoil ur Sunday in going back and forth.Be rest assured that I listen to every and I mean every opinion. TC!


R said...

Well, Varsha, in that case, you should spend some of your royalty towards paying for a good proofreader. Obviuously, Rupa can no longer afford one!
I haven't read your book, but 'even better'? And who is assuring Tamanna? 'Assure you..' is not even a proper sentence, doll! That Wren and Martin from way back in school, should come in handy now.

Preeti said...

Loved your response! :)

Tamanna said...

Ladies and gentlemen please be informed that R in the comment above is not the husband. He won't get his hands dirty here. LOL!

I will be back because I have a lot to say and I am swamped on a bloody Monday morning!

DI said...

:o! I can only say :o!

Tamanna said...

Varsha, your comment proves what I said. All over again. So I will just let sleeping dogs lie. I had a good Sunday, thank you very much!

R, mmmuah! LOL!

Tamanna said...

DI, teeheehee! LOL!

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